


Your Band Sucks, or That One Time Our Conversation Wasn't About Dicks But Serious Band Stuff Like Balls.

by KayleighMcCamyo



Series: Groupchats of One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer [11]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bonding, Crack, Cuddling, Daddy Kink, Fighting, Humor, Kissing, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Mashton, Muke - Freeform, Multi, Sarcasm, Stupidity, Threesome - M/M/M, Trash Talk, crackfic, groupchats, play fights, why would i even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 05:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4553124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayleighMcCamyo/pseuds/KayleighMcCamyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cal: Calum needs alot of booze every day to deal with your gay asses.</p><p>Cal: wait does that mean i am the only straight one in this group</p><p>Mikey: not for long *wink wink* we‘ll convert you.</p><p>Cal: not with that face.</p><p>Mikey: who was talking about face?</p><p>Luke: oh my god the cliffoconda gonna make appearance</p><p>Cal: CAN WE PLEASE HAVE ONE SIMPLE CONVERSATION WITHOUT DICKS</p><p>Ash: ABOVE THAT YOUR OWN</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Band Sucks, or That One Time Our Conversation Wasn't About Dicks But Serious Band Stuff Like Balls.

**Author's Note:**

> I-

**Ashton Irwin (Ash) has started a groupchat. He invited: Luke, Mikey, Cal.**

**Ash** : aye, faggots

 **Luke** : literally ash wtf

 **Cal** : are you sure ash

 **Mikey** : fuck off im playing lolz

 **Luke** : ash you are the gayest one out of us

 **Mikey** : yeah tell him babe

 **Cal** : y‘all assfuckers

 **Mikey** : *kissing emoji*

 **Ash** : *kitten emoji*

 **Luke** : *rainbow emoji*

 **Cal** : I hate this band.

 **Ash** : It’s Luke’s band.

 **Mikey** : Everyone hates Lukes band.

 **Luke** : Luke’s band sucks.

 **Cal** : dicks.

 **Ash** : obviously.

 **Cal** : seriously we are the gayest band.

 **Mikey** : have you ever met One direction?

 **Luke** : no, never.

 **Ash** : who’s that?

 **Cal** : who they are again?

 **Mikey** : servants of the powerbottom who raped your fucking ass, Cal-Pal.

 **Cal** : DON'T fuckding FNO I DINT FHAPPEN I NEVENJN I DIDN‘T  HE DINNF ROUCH MY ASS IT HWA S JSUT A JOKE

 **Luke** : oh my god

 **Ash** : this is golden

 **Mikey** : Sure, Jan.

 **Ash** : SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL NOONE IS HERE FOR YOUR STUPID TUMBLR JOKES

 **Luke** : here we go again.

 **Cal** : literally i don't understand.

 **Mikey** : THEY AINT STUPID U STUPID YA DRY CUNT

 **Ash** **has left the conversation.**

 **Luke** : where is mikey?

 **Mikey** **has left the conversation.**

 **Cal** : …he was in my room like half a second ago

 **Cal** : then something big, muscley and gay appeared and disappeared with my fav dragon.

 **Luke** : …

 **Luke** :well, now, that the stupid part of the household is gone, can we finally start a band?

 **Cal** : you are considering yourself as the smartest part of… anything?!

 **Luke** : in comparison to them? Yes. In comparision to you? No.

 **Cal** : awwww, that was so sweet Lukey-penguin, you are the cutest.

 **Luke** : ily calie^^

 **Cal** : ilysm Lukey^^you are my fav baby pumpkin, aren't you?

 **Luke** : *blushing emoji*

 **Cal** : wanna come to my room and cuddle baby kitten?

 **Ash has joined the conversation**.

 **Ash** : I WILL FUCKIGN FIND YOU AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

 **Mikey** **has joined the conversation.**

 **Mikey** : WANNA FIGHT?!?! FINE 2 AM AT DENNY’S PARKING LOT

 **Luke** : guys calm down

 **Cal** : seriously ya dumb shitfucks

 **Ash** : I CAN'T COME AT 2 AM I AM SLEEEPING BY THEN LIKE A NORMAL PERSON YOU DOTA TRASH WHO GOES TO SLEEP IN 4 IN THE MORNING

 **Luke** : you are literally arguing over using memes

 **Mikey** : IF THE MOON CAN RISE AFTER SUNSET AND COME DOWN AFTER SUNRISE, SO CAN I

 **Cal** : we are trying to be a serious band

 **Ash** : YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST GUITARIST IVE EVER MET

 **Mike** : BITCH I MIGHT BE

 **Luke** : ash be nice he haven't slept n two days

 **Cal** : mikey cmon lets play fifa

 **Luke** : they are the worst.

 **Cal** : did you hear the noise?

 **Luke** : they probably killed somehting

 **Cal** : we can pay someone to murder them for us so it looks like an accident.

 **Luke** : I am sorry for their friends

 **Cal** : oh cmon look at them they haven't any

 **Ash** : I FUCKIGN FIND YOU AN ILL FIGHT YOUR ASS YOU STUPID DRAGON IDIOT WITH NO PUNKROCK

 **Cal** : Ash don't

 **Mikey** : THE FUCK YOU DID!?!!????

 **Luke** : ash theRE ARE FUCKIGN BOUNDARIES YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO MIKEY-DRAGON-KITTEN

 **Mikey** : FLETCHER WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAY?!?! COME THE FUCK HERE AND FUCKIGN TELL ME IN THE EYE STUPID FUCKING FLETCHER CHLAMYDIYA SHITFACE?!?!?!

**Mikey has left he groupchat.**

**Luke** : oh fuck

**Ashton has left the groupchat.**

**Cal** : RIP, ash.

 **Luke** : so

 **Luke** : we need a new drummer.

 **Cal** : i can give a call to Rian, he hates all time low anyway.

 **Luke** : maybe we could ask Evan, we are better band then State Champs.

 **Cal** : Mikey just came running into my room

 **Luke** : wtf Ash made him run?!

 **Luke** : AND HE'S STILL AL IVE?!?!§

 **Cal** : no im pretty sure mikey ran from the stupid drummers corpse before the cops show up.

 **Luke** : so we are without a drummer and a lead guitar?

 **Cal** : finally we can join all time low

 **Luke** : No wait Ash just stormed to my room, looked around, saw no punkrock and left

 **Cal** : yeah he's in my room now.

 **Cal** : Mikey is hiding behind the bed.

 **Luke** : oh.

 **Luke** : so we need another guitar aor you guys trust me.

 **Cal** : nah we gonna be trio jsut like green day.

 **Luke** : good.

 **Cal** : oh dear god’s sweaty ballsack on my sofa.

 **Luke** : what's up? Are they dead yet?

 **Cal** :no. Ash came in, spotted Mikey behind the bed and jumped on top of him.

 **Luke** : so we are trio now.

 **Cal** : no, mikey is giggling.

 **Cal** : i hear kissing noises

 **Cal** : he said „i love you my baby kitten“ out loud oh my god no

 **Cal** : why is this happening to me.

 **Luke** : awwww

 **Cal** : can they be gay somewhere else

**Niall has joined the groupchat.**

**Luke** : what the f

 **Niall** : HEY GUYS

 **Cal** : oh sweet jesus fucking frist munching on my lucky charms what do you want in here?!?!

 **Niall** : I HEARD THERE IS SOME MASHTON LOVE HAPPENING

 **Cal** : I-

 **Niall** : AND YOU KNWO I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SHIPS

 **Luke** : hi, niall, i missed you *kitten emoji*

 **Niall** : I MISSED YOU AND YOUR GAYS TOO LUKE

 **Cal** : literally why

 **Ashton** **has joined the conversation.**

 **Ash** : i am cuddling our punkrock dragon

 **Cal** : I know.

 **Ash** : he says hi

 **Cal** : i know.

 **Ash** : he says i kiss the best

 **Cal** : i DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT

 **Luke** : awwww, aren't they the cutest

 **Niall** : ARE YOU RECORDING CALUM

 **Mikey** **has joined the conversation.**

 **Cal** : what have i ever done to anyone

 **Luke** : you signed your soul to be in this band

 **Cal** : i should have stayed with football

 **Mikey** : CALUM NO I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU NO FOOTBALL I LOVE YOU

 **Cal** : I'm leaving.

 **Ash** : Cal don't be rude

 **Mikey** : yes don't be rude u know what happens to rude people

 **Cal** : what happens to rude people?

 **Mikey** : I-

 **Luke** : No MICHAEL NO

 **Luke** : THIS IS SPECIAL THING

 **Luke** : ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW MAY TALK ABOUT THIS

 **Ash** : oh god and i was having such a nice cuddle session

 **Cal** : you lots are annoying

 **Mikey** : okay. Do you wanna wee my dick?

 **Cal** : michamrgoeklf ON TNO!!!

 **Ash** : *heart emoji*

 **Luke** : anytime love

 **Cal** : NOT I NY  ROMM FUCK YALL I AM TAKIGN MY BOOMERANG DICK AND I AM LEAVING THIS STUPID BAND

 **Luke** : finally

 **Ash** : Can we ask mikey way politely to join our band

 **Luke** : finally

 **Mikey** : but I am mikey…?

 **Luke** : tru.

 **Cal** : the fuck

 **Ash** : tru. We ask Pete Wentz.

 **Cal** : you didn´t  even stutter.

 **Ash** : you ate my vegemite i am not talking to you.

 **Cal** : IT WAS MY VEGETIME AND I ATE IT ALL ALONE BECAUSE I HATE YOU

 **Luke** : really guys

 **Mikey** : seriously all you argue about vegemite.

 **Cal** : SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WERE JSUT ARGUING ABOUT MEMES THAT'S WAY MORE STUPID

 **Ash** : should i bring My chemical Romance to this

 **Cal** : TRY TO SHIT ON MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

 **Cal** : TRY THAT I FUCKIGN DARE YOU PSYCHO-DRUMMER

 **Mikey** : HE MIGHT BE A PSYHCO DRUMMER BUT HE IS MY PSYCHO DRUMMER

 **Luke** : guys really another hate sex

 **Niall** : ANOTHER HATE SEX!,!?!? HERE WAS SOEM BEFORE YOU DIDN´T  TELL ME AB OU T?!?!

 **Ash** : sorry Ni that was private

 **Luke** : only for  5SOS members

 **Mikey** : with alot of butt stuff Calum said he needs to drink away.

 **Cal** : Calum needs alot of booze every day to deal with your gay asses.

 **Cal** : wait does that mean i am the only straight one in this group

 **Mikey** : not for long *wink wink* we‘ll convert you.

 **Cal** : not with that face.

 **Mikey** : who was talking about face?

 **Luke** : oh my god the cliffoconda gonna make appearance

 **Cal:** CAN WE PLEASE HAVE ONE SIMPLE CONVERSATION WITHOUT DICKS

 **Ash** : ABOVE THAT YOUR OWN

 **Mikey** : don't be jealous cal your dick is fine

 **Luke** : like 4 times smaller, but fine.

 **Cal** : THE FUCK YOU GONNA ARGUE ABOUT DICKS SIZE YOU 4 INCH WORM?!?!

 **Ash** : and yet he gets his dick sucked twice a day.

 **Mikey** : and he can get more if he wants

 **Cal** : I'm quitting the band.

 **Ash** : anything for our baby penguin.

 **Cal** : im quitting the band.

 **Luke** : aww, thank you guys.

 **Ash** : mikey do you have Pete Wentz‘ number

 **Cal** : I'm taking my enormous dick and i am leaving.

 **Mikey** : already dialing

 **Niall** : So about the hate sex-

**Calum Hood has left the conversation.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Thank you all for reading this shit. Come to talk to me to punk-cock.tumblr.com, im slowly dying because michael clifford exists.


End file.
